My Progress [Pseudo-Blog]

So, I really did it, I set myself up to suffer excruciating emotional pain. Last night, I even had to check into the hospital again for the little good it did even though I've had a room since November 2nd. Unfortunately, it's in a basement, just as the room I was raped in.

    It's so hard to remember all the salient points that I often leave with only some of my issues addressed. Sadly, this was yet another example of this.

    They gave me something mild to sleep but nothing for the daytime anxiety that makes me whip off my toque and open all my jackets while outside in the cold; and today in the brutal 50 kph wind. 

    The real problem is so many doctors lack empathy because they had it so good or if they were raped it really didn't affect them much. And why would it, they're like the government that doesn't see assault, they see a sex crime, explaining why the crime on the books is still "Sexual Abuse." 

    This is the guy politicians' perversion, minimizing as misogynists do. After the Dead Things, these guys are the biggest threat to Children and Mothers: because they are indistinguishable from rapists.

    These political guys are not only like rapists, they are the ones that allAw Dead Things multiple chances to rape because their buddies are rapists, so they give them second chances for political and financial favors. The rest of the unknown rapists benefit, too. 

    It's beyond me why Women either can't see this or they're willing to give them a pass. Maybe some Mothers just don't care about their Sisters that are raped as long as they aren't.

    And if they are raped, they're usually too broken to stand up and speak out. To the best of my vision, they didn't even join E.M. to give her support.

    Had they asked for supporters, I would have told her I trust her, trust that she was raped by a leading Dead Thing followed by guys indistinguishable from rapists.

    I can't express enough times how the judge, a guy's guy, verbally, emotionally and spiritually raped E.M. with the trash talk, "I do not find the evidence of E.M. to be either credible or reliable," as in the last paragraph of the above article.

    I neither needed or wanted to read the rest of the shite that came out its foul maw. I would've been there to comfort E.M., after hearing the rest of the verdict, telling her exactly what I told you.

    The guys should have fessed up and faced their consequences: Now, the price these guys will endure is going to be far worse than they, or even I, can possibly imagine.

So I tried to give up on myself, and on all of you, too.  It was very painful, but unfortunately not enough blood to die--to go into our light and dream of good times with family and friends, and why not want this. But there was too much blood to wrap with a tissue and catch a bus. At least I had the sense to throw the knife away from me.

    A form one...four days; not the first or even the second time. No smokes and only three coffee a day, but it would've been worse without a phone; though they allowed me only one. 

   But as long as one is calm and watches out for what truths come out, they won't keep anyone. And all that double-portioning on meals sets a bad precedence.

   Otherwise, it was uneventful except I've never been in an ambulance before, though I'm quite familiar with Michael Garron Hospital after 15 falls in two years.

   They had wall full of crayoned drawings around the TV that was very nice, but I forgot to snap a photo because I felt I needed to ask permission.

  So now I want to scream out for the Children to ad (to) vocate (vocalize [for Children]), like that many, Many, MANY Children are suffering way worse than I; but I also need to prepare for worst-case scenario. Way worse than that death would have been. 

    Tonight I need to sleep in temporary lodgings and tomorrow I need to rest my aching back. But my wrist isa little better, just no more heavy grasping with it. All the nerves were fortunately unsevered.

Peace, r

Peace on Earth excluding rapists with Extreme Prejudice, Lucy Margaret Tozak.

I see Her, I Honor Her, so I speak with Her voice, I speak Her words. Lucy will not mind. If She had Her eyes to see, She would be proud of me. Furthermore, in Her name, I claim ownership of the entire physical universe except for those atoms absorbed into Your bodies. 

(In a comfortable booth in McDonald's with outlets,  suffering an old Woman's loud senseless, worthless phone noise because She has no Honor to consider others.)

Without someone being Honorable to all of You--as in You Girls and Women--You'd still be sated with re-spect[acle], made a spectacle of again.

    Since around 5:00 a.m., I've seen beyond my failure to start a common, communal community communicating Honor, Honesty, Truth, [the real] Answer on or before October 1. Yesterday's pain has shown me that Mothers will never see/be Their Honor of prioritizing Children First, not without a guy who sees Their exclusive positivitity first.

    All Women can get is a vote in a male-dominated Earth. And a "Well, it (our persecution) isn't what it was fifty years ago." And with drunk (texting, distracted, unfocused) drivers out in droves by day, Mothers will push their baby stroller first into an intersection, just by a glance at the green light away from Her main focus, searching for the Answer, the Truth of who we are, Honesty from Honor, on her phone.

    Next post will show you all you are and can be.

    With atheists, Girls and Mothers are 3d, agnostics have no opinion, christians beLIEve Your Daughters are sinners, impure, unclean, dirty. The bibles even declare an older Girl a whore, not a Mother pimped out by a rapist or misogynist. This "blame (the Woman) game" the guys dominate, and have beaten it into Every Single Girl and Mother to some extent. The blame game is posted on a "Stop Abuse" website as one way guys further hurt victims.

    Without someone like me, all Women can be is a guys' guy. Donna speaks for the mysogynists, she says "Well why'd she (her lowercase) go up to the hotel room with them?" Guy smut, diss, trash talk, i.e., not Honor. I h-ON-er Girls and Mothers, I see Girls and Mothers are On, Positive, Encouraging, Supportive.

    The guys are the problem, especially the guys who dis[s]agree with me, destroy my ChildMotherFather community cards (not busy-ness, business cards), that I tape up in bus stop shelters, on the glass at eye level in front of the favored bench position. (If I think to add scan of card I will.)

    The extent of their glorious message, "be kind, be humble," from a shiny palace with little boys to wash and clothe them; but nothing of Children being raped, bought and sold, or of Girls and Mothers being persecuted most of all. Nothing spoken of preacher rapists, of excluding rapists with Extreme Prejudice.

    The catholics give their rapists second chances, and third, fourth... until several Children speak out. Then the pope and the pope's administration move their rapist to a new church. Wikipedia posted this as fact. And all it takes is a confession to make it okay, sll better. They hear one of their rapist preachers confess to assaulting Children, but the catholics don't report rape because it's forgivable.

    Maybe you wait for a guy who helps an animal live gloriously, who never thinks he has 100% energy and the Children needs all his attention, priority, focus. Their best friend is an animal, they communicate at an animal's level.

    At sports bars, the guys boisterously communicate loud, repeating grunts and whoops. Or they get courage from a bottle to communicate songs that repeat exactly the same words over and over.

    When XX-L isn't loudly telling/yelling his Greek kin to buy him coffee, they offer to him. I told him I don't put up with being screamed at and changed tables--he's not a true rapist so no danger, but he definitely verbally assaults others.

    I looked for Alex last night, but he's gone, with the million he's getting, or all the times his last and new boss was bringing a cheque, the credit card, blowing his $800 monthly social assistance in a day. I stopped sharing with him because he stops to talk "at" me only for taking. Me, me, me but no responsible, "I...". Sometimes, it's without thanks. Too many never learned gratitude, grace, common courtesy.

(Typed this up until 5:00 p.m. on the 5th, so I've had 5 hours to somehow feel good enough to still say, "good morning, I hope you're well," but to even say it to strangers outside when so much more pain is possible and likely seems retarded. So, the rest is pain from rapists forcing--making--me cou-Rage-ous yesterday.)

Woke up this morning moaning and groaning loudly in excruciating PAIN, pacing bent over near my belongings. A few people walked by and on. And then an ambulance. Never been before. Fourteen hours I was waiting in a hospital trying to find a comfortable sitting position to rest; occasionally interrupted by tests and drugs.

Wow, doctor gave me 4 whole weak pain meds to go, but maybe the Canadian Medical Association licensed another rapist doctor, exactly as they did the rapist husband that raped--assaulted, strangled--Dr Fric, the Wife and Mother, to death. I wonder how many rapists the CMA has Certified, Sworn, Guaranteed, a HEALER.

I do Not trust those guys. No one should. They cannot see.

We should deMANd access to the names of every guy who certified that rapist, and they should be fired and their licences revoked with cause. They are in part guilty of Dr Fric's murder; and the doctor cowards that hung out with the rapist and never stepped forward to the police to report how the rapist regaled them with tales of rape.

Maybe you beLIEve a brain surgeon, in a hospital, never spoke to anyone. Never revealed his true rapist nature when just with the guys. We should also deMANd the names of the doctors that hung out with the rapist. But other staff in the hospital can point out the cowards. Their names should be posted and shamed. Though they're no doubt another BlackFace that might feel as much as embarrassed; no doubt feigned.

Imagine, a free health system riddled with rapists, courtesy of the guys in the CMA that can't see a difference between victims of rape, and rapists without feelings, without empathy and that are our spirits' pain, fear, and terror.

Rapists = Dead Things

Finally, out at ten, but I laid down outside the hospital on a really cold bench; thinking I was going to pass out, afraid to leave close medical assistance. But I needed my sleeping bag, desperately, so I took The Terrible Conveyance. Aka, the Toronto Transit Commission, aka, a group of mostly worthless or worth close to nothing guys who almost ALWAYS ignore "Good morning's." They can't help it, they're ignorant; mostly guys whose entire higher education--learning, Earning--consisted of driving a bus. Decades pass and they don't change, mature, grow [up].

For many similar guys, their pride is a bunch of sports jocks. They Really, Really, Really Like Guys. Buy their lighters at a premium. Buy and wave the big number one finger for their team. They don't see Children, Mothers (former Girls) first. They don't and won't stand against rapists and misogynists.

So many regurgitating the same babble every morning, ALL their lives about nothing of consequence. Guy sports' talk is worth-less [than zero], because at minimum, hockey is riddled with a gang-rape cult-ure,  just the same as gang-rape-land country (which is many countries over there).

I made it to my locker and I'm in McDonald's, listening to guys whose allegiance is not Canada. By not responding, the guy spoke it plainly. So many fake citizens, taking medical, pension, economy, and if their country ever turned on the world, like the will of Japan's and Italy's populaces did, they wouldn't align with Canada. Canada is the least offensive country, so Canada is #1 to me,  and I stand firmly with Canada.

Courage to speak out. I've worked on this for many hours. If you rage against me, I'm not hiding behind anyone; unless in pain, I stand unarmed with our Country's defenders. But if I was put in a position, I would let the rapists die, and the misogynists suffer. I would Not stand between two rapists. I am Not insane, retarded.

Peace on Earth some day, but too many people are content with Children starving, being bought and sold for sex and torture in Canada, murdered.An d why not, they beLIEve everything will instantly be perfect in a heaven promised to them by a group of rapists of little boys (because you wouldn't give little Girls to them, maybe, but Girls are dirty to them, so wouldn't have reLIEgious cere-Mon[e]y and rightuals including them with Honor).

A group of many rapists that declare your Daughters sinners, unclean, impure, dirty, whores; unless one of their rapists lay their paws on them and they can clean them. A group that babbles "guy, guy, spirit," but not one Mother. They don't Honor Girls and Mothers. If they Honored Girls and Mothers, they'd capitalize as I do. They do Not have Honor, so they can't have Honesty, Truth, Answers. They are LIES.

Good afternoon, I hope you're well.

Beyond sad, is that only 755 people found this heinous enough to sign.

https://www.change.org/p/stop-early-release-or-appeal-for-muhammad-raheesh-isoof-justice-for-nileshni-kajol-s?source_location=psf_petitions

And Girls--teenagers--sold in hotel rooms because there is no system in place with the defining vision of excluding rapists with Extreme Prejudice that wants resources more than money. Single Women, who haven't been seriously raped, so have thrived in a man"s world, have spare rooms and can friend Her. Instead people friend, house and feed animals. They can't talk, communicate, be a real community of truth.

https://projects.thestar.com/human-sex-trafficking-ontario-canada/

Horrible, yes , most absolutely, but we need to see it to move us, emote us, into action, to communicate, to be a community of like-minded, good, kind, empathetic, loving people.

Peace, r

Good afternoon, I hope you had a good day so far, though who of us are having a zero-bad day--good--with the terror of being randomly robbed, assaulted, and maybe assaulted--raped--to death.

Yeah, guys, we get raped, too. And we can blame us guys, because we're the problem, but it's up to us--mostly Women--to fix. If you're waiting for guys to give rapists feelings, empathy, emotion, Honorable motive in their actions, to Heal them, and we can just sit back and do nothing, you aren't being good to yourself.

And that's because you've been told you don't deserve the best. Most people haven't had neighborhoods of their own. I could not find an example of a un-outed rapist--or an outed one--stepping forward and charging sn older rapist with rape, to heal. I wonder how few guys have ever had the Courage to read 'The Courage to Heal," and how many have stayed tough--while Girls and Women are persecuted most of all--and had only 'Iron John" to read. A younger friend fortunately thought to suggest I had been raped and should read the first.

I see I do this also for a younger Woman, who has seemed up to a message from Her ago, only a friend. But she encourages me. She does not say "Well why'd She  go up there [to the hotel room] with them." She would never doubt a Girl or Woman, as I; never say that. And for another Woman friend who is worrying a lot for me, likely praying for me even today.

So I crashed at 7:30 last night, so many people saw a bum without doubt. I slept a few hours, a visit to McDonald's and then to the bench with Alex. Sleeping on same side with only sleeping bag as cushion last night hurt. But bench is miles better than ground, as animal. Well, most animals. The ground is a trillion tiny hammers, pounding away, sucking away the heat. I need the same camping pad  I purchased for Alex, but I couldn't possibly carry that too. I guess I can see the fall and resulting compression fracture in my back, as fortunate or not.

I didn't drop off my duffle in my storage locker, so no room for me at McDonald's, and I'm stuck here on a bench until 2:00, or so. But I am in the Sun, and I've had this spot for more than an hour and a half. And I've composed this. And I do have opportunity to still feel good, while others see only the hopeless homeless who contribute nothing, zero, to society.

Someone left two bags of chips, I think for me, at the first bench site, though they were six feet from me, so uncertain. I ate one with a coffee before joining Alex. Shared second for him in morning. He loves pop and chips. I've had too many as a young Child.

Anyway, fifteen minutes to post and see if I can charge my phones at McDonald's. I wish you well.

Peace, r

Good afternoon, so a guy is next to me on next bench, so I'm typing, one thumbed. I hope you're well and on a bench with a coffee on a peaceful place. I'm good.

So, Donna. She is so beaten down, 70, always single, community her three sisters in which there is 'familiaity breeds contempt." Factory worker. She insists some Women are bad, even that Her Sisters are "unrepeatable word." But I ran into YX-D at a bus stop and she sees as I, she sees most Women say and do what the guys--men, man, manic, manipulative, commanding, demanding--tell them to. 

Women, you are not weak, you can easily be choosing what goes on. The guys rule you only because they tell you you're inferior and you can't see how to stop it. I can show, if there's any Women who wantd it enough to go to any lengths to stop the relentless persecution of Girls and Women. All of you were beaten down, robbed of Honor, a safe place with lots of friends. This place is Children's House. Click link to see your future home.

Peace, r

P.S. I can't stress enough that this has to be a community of like-minded people who want to exclude rapists with Extreme Prejudice. And this includes excluding the sub-group of guys indistinguishable from rapists, by stranger. This includes misogynists. There is no Honor in them, but  there are boys who think highly of Girls, who are suffering themselves, not suffering others. And we need to prioritize them. We Need them, their unconditional love, strength, hope... friendship.

Good  morning, I hope you slept well. Last night was the first time I've  slept out in the open on a bench, as vulnerable as one can be. Well, I  did swear on my Mother's Honor I would confront rapists on October 1st,  which became "if I couldn't initialize a [computer] System as the System  Engineer of ChildMotherFather Canada."
 

But I wasn't alone. Alex was asleep on the other bench.  I feared last  night for weeks, but when I snuggled into my, ashamedly new sleeping  bag, I felt at peace. I wasn't in another dungeon basement apartment,  exactly the same to me as the dark basement apartment in which I was  raped--terrorized--at age nine. I even decreased my morning anti-anxiety  dose. Okay, I bought a Children's sleeping bag by mistake, but I  scrunched up and was even able to get my knees in so the cold wind  didn't blow in.
 

But too much coffee, and I had to break camp after an hour's sleep and  go McDonald's, but I went back, set up camp and slept almost three more  hours.
 

So I just dropped off my duffle with my sleeping bag and heaviest  hoodie, so I can look normal eight hours a day; and not have some people  look at me with disgust instead of hope for me to get back on my feet.  And I'm back near McDonald's on a bench still in the Sun, sans coffee,  because I've been drinking it since four.
 

I have my lightest hoodie on and beautiful hoodless, light but warm,  winter jacket. And of course my toque. I just want to sit, smoke, and  try to have commutation, community, with passerbys, starting from one  location and spreading out into the world. But I see nothing of  consequence is likely to occur talking with random people. Unless I need  to be more open, distinguishable from a rapist, which others would see  only that I was not to be feared. (I finally "Good morning"'d the  crossing guard l, whom I see here often from these benches.) And I hope  many of my friends here have seen me consistently cheerful, except for  the two weeks when I  was in excruciating, sometimes hours' long  debilitating pain, from an undiagnosed back compression fracture from  yet another fall. Finally, morphine for a few weeks, but they made me  sick.
 

But I may again have learned what can't be done. I remember the time I  tried to force, make, myself ascend alone. Not gonna happen. At minimum,  we need 54 Imagionationists, on my Facebook/Meta page (I would never  change my brand, my face, my vision, my personality). I will write of  Donna, (Alex needing phone to call Mother to see if clean clothes ready  to pawn) a friend I sort of chat with an hour or two each morning. You'll understand.
 

So, all for now so I can proof once more, copy this document from  KeepNotes and paste into a new blog entry. I wish you an enjoyable  morning. Peace, r

So my Landlady let me stay an extra night. I sure appreciated the warmth, safety and mattress. I called the City of Toronto Central Intake a few hours ago. When the City said to call later, I asked if the city expected me to sleep outside. She said no, to call later. I imagine if I call all night and morning, they'll babble the same denial that a councillor or other official guy told them to spew forth.

The latest LIE from the city council guys is for a new shelters in 2033. Of course, another group of worthless to practically worth nothing guys will vomit their own LIE of 2038 in a few years. Or they will spend the money on another study, I guess to be sure there were homeless. We can identify every LIAR guy that ever sat on council and LIED to get the social advocates they loathe to go away and die. They are politician guys, just like blackface, who is still a worthless racist.

More later. Peace, r

So I'm readying my pseudo-blog for October 1, though I did start to add an actual blog section, it looked too complicated. It's horrible what I pay for a few widgets to have a count up timer. GoDaddy has an included down timer, but not an up counter. But I now see how to inject html and other code to do things GoDaddy's site builder doesn't abstract away in its Site Builder UI.

The photo is the view from my favorite bench, close to my McDonald's.